Why Moms in Great Company Still Feel LonelyPayton Foeller
You learn. You learn that you may never finish a sentence again. The other moms give you glances of solidarity and patiently wait for you to discipline or deal with your tiny terror. Then you pick back up right where you started.Except where you started was 5 minutes ago and now you have no stinking clue where you were going with that conversation started… so you just make a random comment and wrap it up.
-Hey lady! How are you.. Baby, go play, please.
Oh, I’m good, how are you? Sweety go play over there. Share please. Hey. You share or we can’t stay and play.
-Good! That’s good. Whatcha been up to? Baby. Go. Go play. No, no snacks right now. Now go.
Not much, potty training, they don’t make undies small enough for her tiny butt though!
-I know! Children’s right clothing sizes are so hard to find. Hey! Give that back to her! That’s not yours, she had it first, give it back, please. Thank you, now go play.
They really are! They are either too —- Hey. Hey! Stop that! There’s another one over there, go get that one. Go. *ahem* they are either too short or too big!
You get the point yet? Cause I can go on… for hours.
Yes, moms get used to this and at some point, they even learn to get past it hopefully.But this is why moms can be in great company and still be the loneliest people on the planet. Because they never get to the meat. They stay in chit chat mode because anything more seems like an impossibility with children that need to be trained and monitored and loved on.. constantly. Which Of Course we moms love doing.
But do you remember those friends that you’d go out with and converse and chit chat with for hours? Then when it was getting late the conversation would get crazy deep or crazy silly.
Either way, it was good for your soul. Those crazy late night belly laughs or the free midnight group therapy sessions. Those things grow you and refresh you and remind you life is good.
We train ourselves to talk through the constant interruptions. We condition ourselves to stay at the chit chat level because real conversation takes time that we just don’t have.
Deep things and belly laughs happen in developing relationships. And relationships take time to develop. Time that we just don’t have (yes I know I just said that but I’m saying it again).You mean to tell me you’ve watched 5 seasons of Gilmore Girls this month but you don’t have time to build relationships with people? You don’t have a job and you don’t have time to sit done and have coffee with someone to talk?
But you have play-date and bible study and nights at friends houses and your kids all play together!Sure we do.You have free time all day at home while your kiddo is sleeping and playing!
Right. Yes I do.
These things may be true on paper. They really might be.
But it doesn’t turn off.
That switch. The mom switch. It Never Ever turns Off.
We’re constantly putting our growing and developing on the back burner to grow and develop our tiny humans physically in our presence.
We finalllly get a sitter or escape for coffee with a friend and we just can’t seem to jump back into best friend forever deep convo and belly laugh territory. We’re still stuck … you guessed it. . in chit chat mode. Then two hours have passed and we kick ourselves for not just diving in and getting to the good stuff.
I don’t have a fix for you … sorry.
Just an Amen, sista, I hear ya (in between interruptions from my toddler I hear you anyway).
Try to remember it’s a stage and someday they’ll want you to quit bugging them rather than the other way around.
Try to find friends who don’t think you’re nuts for not speaking for a week or two then as soon as you have a minute alone together you start pouring your heart out.
Try to belly laugh and get real with people.
Try to wade through the chit chat and speak truth.Don’t get me wrong. I like the occasional chit chat; where’s that shirt from, yea I love that restaurant, oh the kids are doing this and that. That’s nice.
But you need some substance
You need some heart.
You need some belly laughs.
Without it, you’ll get sad and lonely and bored.
What tricks do you use to stay connected with friends through this tiny children stage? How do you find time for some good belly laughs!? Please. Tell me!