Stop Asking, “When’s Baby Number Two?”Payton Foeller
Sincerely, two tired parents and one very noisy first born.
Picture this. Or possibly just recall it, some have probably happened to you.You start dating / courting / whatever / a nice gentleman: Oh! Are you gonna get engaged?You get engaged: When’s the wedding!You get married: When are you two gonna have some kiddos!?
You have your first kid (hopefully just the one): When you gonna start thinking about baby number two?!
Now, I understand, we’re just making conversation, trying to be polite right? Well let’s try to find some different topics to discuss. I understand the world moves at light speed or whatever but it shouldn’t have to. We should be allowed to sit in the sun and take in the glow and not be judged for not considering what work we’ll do or what task we will complete once the sun sets and we have to move on. Now that has to do with all of those questions. But the one I want to talk about today (obviously, the title kind of gives it away) is badgering people about baby number two.I swear our nurse the night our baby number one was born said something like this, ‘oh how precious, thinking about baby number two yet?’ … Okay, she didn’t but sometimes it seems like it. That’s usually how it goes though! People look at my sweet little toddling terror and say, so adorable; pregnant yet? HUH?! No, I’m the farthest thing from pregnant. Whatever that might be… I didn’t really think that far into that sentence before writing it. Oh well. Yes, I’m exaggerating but it really does happen. Maybe not minutes after baby number one comes but days and weeks for sure. Sometimes people are joking because they understand that what the mama just went through is gonna take quite some time to fade in her mind before she wants to even think about doing it again. But a lot of the time people are completely serious!
Okay, I think I need to pause and say that close friends and family are excluded. This is not a rant for me specifically but mamas anywhere and everywhere. I’m just saying, think before you speak. Friends and family are hopefully asking out of genuine concern. [Read this one more time friends and family of mine; this is NOT about you. Okay? okay]But you, you who asks this question just for funsies, just in passing, just because… It’s just what you ask. Let’s just leave it alone for now. Not only are you pushing this new family into thinking faster and faster and pulling them from their new exciting moment glow, you may be touching some nerves you can’t even see.
Mom had a pretty traumatizing birth that might take some time to get over. *ahem…*
Mom had an emergency c-section which means the dream of popping out ten babies like it’s nothing is now a very slim possibility and each subsequent birth will become increasingly riskier.
Mom is TIRED. She never wants to do this ever ever ever again because she hasn’t slept in weeks. WEEKS people. Shut up with your chit chat and let her take a nap.
Maybe mom never wanted kids and is still working on the concept of taking care of and loving one baby. Asking her about baby number two will only pile on the guilt.
Postpartum depression. You don’t know so just don’t say anything stupid that could make things worse. Just incase.
Maybe dad is scared out of his mind. He’s ready to get snipped because he’s so exhausted. Maybe he already did and it’s a sore subject! I don’t know! Ha.. and neither do you! So just leave it alone.
Maybe it’s down the road a bit… And you think it’s safe to ask…
It’s not, just keep it to yourself. You don’t really need to insert yourself in that person’s marriage bed. Which is essentially what you’re doing when you decide that you get to be involved in someone else’s decision process to procreate and have baby number two.
Children are a blessing. Yes yes yes. They are the most exhausting blessing I’ve ever encountered and I don’t really know that I can handle many more blessings.However, if I want to, should, need to, do, or don’t is not for us to discuss. That’s between myself, my husband, and a very loving God who knows the number of hairs on my head so surely He knows the number of children I can and can’t handle in my quiver.
I feel like I should repeat – This has been on my calendar for a while and something that has always baffled me (since before having my own child even). I promise, it’s not about you and me, and it usually isn’t.
I know it’s hard making small talk but try asking HOW the person is instead of bugging them about what they’re doing Next. Just let them sit in their moment! Everyone deserves to enjoy the ride, not just thrive on getting from one stepping stone to another.