Sincerely, a Scared Mom: Thoughts and Feelings in the AfterPayton Foeller
Hey! This is a follow up to last weeks post, if you missed it you should go back and read it. Then this post will make a lot more sense. So read THIS first.
But since this post is about an accusation of medical neglect we probably need to go over a basic definition of each item we refused; the eye cream and vitamin k shot. Just to show a bit of why we made those decisions, why several medical professionals cleared those decisions, and why no parent should be accused of neglect for those making simple and sound medical decisions (whether we agree with the decision or not).
Here’s the very first explanation to pop up when I googled, eye cream for newborns:
“Ilotycin is an antibiotic ointment is routinely put in the eyes of all newborns to prevent neonatal conjunctivitis (pink eye). While Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are the most serious pathogens that are treated with ilotycin, this treatment also prevents less severe infection with other common bacteria such as e. coli.”
This one is pretty simple… I don’t have these diseases. I know one hundred thousand percent that I never have had these diseases. The end.
But what about pink eye? She actually did get pink eye around 3-4 months old… guess what we did?! We treated it! When we needed to. When we knew there was an issue. And we avoided giving unnecessary medications any sooner than that.
The other thing we chose to forgo was the vitamin k shot:
“For centuries scholars must have been perplexed by God’s law of circumcision which required the procedure to be performed on the 8th day after birth (Gen 17:12, 21:14, Lev 12:3, Luke 2:21). Medical researchers recently discovered that the two main blood clotting factors, Vitamin K and Prothrombim, reach their highest level in life, about 110% of normal, on the 8th day after birth. These blood clotting agents facilitate rapid healing and greatly reduce the chance of infection. The 8th day of life is the ideal time for a circumcision, and any circumcision done earlier requires an injection of Vitamin K supplement.” bibleevidences.com/medical-evidence/
Circumcision isn’t the only reason quoted for wanting patients to give their newborns the vitamin K shot but it is among the most common. In general, they express concern for your child’s ability to clot should they have a need to.
Since we had a baby girl we did not have to consider and weigh the options for circumcision so this also seemed like an easy decision once we thought out all the factors.
I can’t live in the ‘what if.’ I just can’t. What if we get in a wreck coming home from a hospital. What if we get hit by a bus? What if it rains and I slip while holding her. What if what if what if?!
I don’t know! I don’t know what if! I really don’t and I hate that I don’t….But I just don’t!
I only know how to work with the circumstances and the information and the convictions I have at any given moment. And that’s what we did with more than ample support.
It’s really hard to find words for this…
When I try to recall the week to retell it, to try to explain how I felt I just get angry.
I get soo angry that I spent my child’s first week of life fearing that someone would try to take her from me. I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but no one should have to even face the thought of having to fight for their child for trying to make sound and healthy decisions; decisions that many medical professionals agree are sound choices.
I get angry that my first shower in my home, with my baby home and healthy, was interrupted by my husband asking if case workers were allowed to show up and insist on being let in on the weekends.
I get angry that she talked for over two hours and wasted precious time we had to savor those first days at home.
I get angry that we have a file sitting somewhere that has the words medical neglect and our names nearby.
I get angry that I’m scared to pursue fostering and adoption because this experience was so truly terrifying for me I don’t even want to think about the ways the government can stick their hands in that process.
I get angry that people don’t get why I’m so angry about it.
I get angry that when there’s a knock on my door that I wasn’t expecting I get scared.
I know people don’t and won’t get it. That’s really okay. I know others have been through it and moved on, no big deal. I know I felt scared, and annoyed, nervous, unsettled, upset, and a million other things at the time. But right now I’m just angry and scared. And angry that I’m scared.
My hope is that maybe these two posts, the letter, and this follow-up, will make their rounds. Maybe they will fall into just the right hands of some hard working civil servant or a big time policy maker. But that will never happen if you don’t help me share it!
So would you!? I’d love you forever! Thanks a million.