A response to Mayim Bialik – I Don’t ‘Hit’ My Kids.Payton Foeller
Okay. I haven’t posted in a while due to some technical difficulties and a lack of drive to fix the issue. But this video going around had me so wound up and annoyed I had to fix my technical problems and convert what was going to be a super long rant in the comments section on facebook to a full blown post. My ‘comment’ was at 500 words… there’s just that much wrong with her argument. Instead of leaving it there for one person to pick apart I thought I’d share it with you all and make way more people mad than I could have with just leaving a comment.
I’ll try to address my main concerns succinctly in a few points. If you haven’t seen the video you can watch it here in this Babble post commenting on how awesome it is. *Insert eye roll here*
1. Shocking Us with Word Choice
She keeps saying hitting instead of spanking. She uses word play to shock people and get them to her side. She’s done it on other topics too. She uses the word violence as well. ‘There’s no need to hit our children,’ ‘we don’t need to parent with violence.’ I paraphrase because I refuse to pour over the video to get the exact lines. But you can clearly see she has carefully chosen her words to alienate and shame the parenting method and frankly, the parents that she is discussing.
She obviously doesn’t agree with the biblical precedent of spanking. Fine. That’s your deal, they’re your kids! But she could at the very least acknowledge that there is a difference between Christian discipline that uses spanking and abusive parenting. But she doesn’t. She lumps it all in together, and that’s the main part of the problem.
2. It’s Science.
She says several times, we shouldn’t hit kids, it’s science.
First, duh. We shouldn’t hit our kids. (See issue number one..)
Second, you can’t just say, it’s science, and expect me to think… ‘Oh Golly! Welp, she declared it. It’s science! She must be right.’ No. You can find ‘science’ to back up almost anything that sufficiently.
She’s coming at this from a psychological standpoint. You could scar the child… It’s science. You could Just as easily make that argument for the ‘stern tone’ she references. Let’s use her fun word play method with her parenting method of choice; she suggests using a stern tone. We’ll replace ‘stern tone’ with the word ‘screaming.’ (The way she did with spanking). Because they’re about as different.
Screaming at your children can cause lasting negative psychological effects. It does. There’s scientific proof. We could make a whole video for it too.
3. She Dismisses and Mocks the Bible.
And misdefines spanking.
She mocks biblical parenting and then declares science proves its antiquated and caveman-like. I’ve seen no sufficient studies showing the lasting effects of loving biblical homes that use spanking as an early discipline technique. There are studies that gather data from varying households where abuse was present and of course, the results are negative.
“Bialik opens the 6-minute video by first addressing a source of the most popular justification for corporal punishment: the Bible. Yes, the Bible may dictate that “Whoever spares the rod hates their children,” but let’s be real, she argues — the Bible also condones throwing stones at a disobedient son. So, Bialik says, “Let’s not use the Bible as a parenting guide for the 21st Century.”
When she chooses to use the word hitting, rather than spanking, she is intentionally misrepresenting the parenting method altogether. Parents that chose to use spanking (the right and biblical way) love their kids. It’s never with anger or out of frustration. From our experience, if you parent them from the start and utilize this method, you can in still the good behavior (even if it is out of habit and not obedience, as she states) by utilizing those natural instincts she speaks of. Then, as they age and reason and logic become something they understand you can build on those solid foundations.
A friend of mine thought it was just as ridiculous as I did,
“If we don’t use the Bible as a guide for 21st century parenting, what are we to use? A functioning society has to have a moral code, a standard of right and wrong. Otherwise, how do we define what is wrong? The Bible has a very clear moral code laid out, and when we follow it, society functions as it should.”
4. She is Promoting Governmental Control in Parenting
I’m beyond fine with people not spanking their kids and using consistent other methods of discipline – I just take issue with this video (and some others she has made) because over all she is for stripping parental rights. The words she uses thinly veil her desire for government interference on this and other issues.
“You can’t hit your spouse, you can’t hit your student, you can’t hit a stranger, you can’t even hit your dog, yet we have laws protecting, defending, and justifying hitting a child. It makes no sense …”
Wrong. It makes perfect sense because this is America and parents have been raising kids since America was founded. Sure, we need to change with the times… But this country was founded on biblical principals. If you don’t wish to partake that is FINE. But stop trying to tell me that there is one right way, and it’s not my way. Stop trying to promote laws to make my way (the Bibles way) illegal. I beg of you, leave it be and just raise your own family. Stay out of mine, they don’t want your help.
And really, ‘You can’t hit your dog?’ Actually yes, I am legally allowed to spank my dog as hard as I would spank my child. It’s basic Pavlovian technique and it’s used it basic animal training all the time. Heck, I’m legally allowed to hit my husband, and probably my neighbor as hard as I would spank a child. Because it’s not that hard.
I spank my child and she still loves me. She tells me so all the time.
Spank or don’t spank I don’t care. She did get one thing right – Consistency is key. Do what you say you’re going to do. Even if that means leaving an event minutes after arrival. Follow through. If you take anything from her video… let that be the only thing.
Seriously, do what you want. But stop taking advice from people who are wanting to take that choice away from you.
While you’re here…